i dont know myself anymore. or maybe i didnt know to begin with. i dont know why i blame myself for everything and why i let things bother me. i just thought that if i had kept things inside i would not harm others around me. i dont want to cause them greif and i do feel a fault for bring them down. i want others to be happy expecialy the people i love the most. Sadly they are the ones that im unitentionally hurting.

how does one stop themselves? i have so much support from two people who care about me the most... so why am i not content with just that? i should be but im not.

im really tired but i mean it is 15 min till midnight... i was tired at school but i just came home and slept. im soo glad i have thursday and friday off. i hope that i can use that time to just reflect upon myself and see if there are ways that i can improve. i dont want to have low expectation set upon myself. i want to be that person that people relied on again. maybe i will find that person i once was.